Thursday, April 1, 2010

I WISH THIS WAS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE:

“Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready”
-Revelation 19:7


Is the bride of Christ ready to meet our groom?

If you were to ask any bride, that one day would the biggest day in her life.
Everything must be perfect. Every curl on her head is complete, every spot of make up on her face is finished, every flower in her bouquet is flawless, every seam in her dress is faultless as she awaits for her big day. However, when I look at the body of Christ today, she is not ready, let alone awake.
Why her hair in still in curlers and no make up on. She has not even brushed her teeth let alone showered. She is laying on the sofa watching TV and eating bon bons in her night gown talking on the phone. She has flirted and fornicated with others assuming her groom is forgiving. And if I look at that white dress closely, it is stained, dirty, wrinkled and laying on the floor next to the cat dish. Oh Lord, we have much to do as we must PREPARE TO MEET
YOU.

“Can a maid forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire? yet my people have forgotten me days without number”
-Jeremiah 2:32



The United Church of Christ advocating condom distribution in churches:


“Highlighting the need for churches to be places of spiritual and physical wellness, UCAN, Inc. (United Church of Christ HIV and AIDS Network) has issued a statement encouraging condom distribution at places of worship. The statement, presented to the UCC’s Wider Church Ministries joint board meeting in Cleveland March 19, comes on the heels of a renewed focus on the global HIV/AIDS epidemic."
http://www.ucc.org/news/uccs-health-advocates-press.html


Fruit of the Spirit "Health Drink" for Your Soul:

I don’t think this is what the apostle Paul had in mind when he was discussing the fruit of the HOLY SPIRIT in Galatians 5:16-24 (click ‘Play’ to watch Fruit of the Spirit Featured on NBC News on link below)
http://www.fruitofthespirit.net/2009/09/24/fruit-of-the-spirit-featured-on-kxas-tv-nbc5-local-news/


Rap for Jesus Christ Christ Baby:


Me thinketh Noah would have had more people in that ark if only he and the boyz would have rapped for God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lOfekdUzEI
I believe rap and or heavy metal music for Jesus is liken to ‘crack smokers for Jesus’ or ‘prostitutes for Jesus’ and why not ‘gambles for Jesus’?


The Church of LOVE:
Is the church wrong and judgmental for claiming that abortion and homosexuality are sins and contending against them? Pastor Richard Mark Lee of the Family Church in Sugar Hill, Georgia thinks so. What did he do about it? He apologized to the unchurched for being judgmental during a highly publicized church service (see photo below).
We think that Pastor Richard should also apologize on behalf of God for destroying the earth by flood because of men's wickedness, destroying Sodom and Gomorah, plaguing the Egyptians and killing their first born, destroying Korah and those who followed him, killing everyone in Jericho, and killing the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel for their false religion too





Prophetess" Christina Glenn: The Louder You Scream the Bigger the Miracle:



Man this even turns me a Street Preacher off. When Jesus returns in glory to judge the living and the dead He ain't going to be none too pleased with "prophetess" Christina Glenn.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7OIFPp_lUA


Home Protection Saint:



Does the idea of a burglary or home invasion robbery undermine your sense of security? Are you looking for a way to protect yourself and your family? Forget home security systems, alarms or Laser Shield. What you really need is Saint Benedict the patron saint of home protection. Thugs and criminals don't have a chance if you have a Saint Benedict statue in your home.

Breast Centered NOT Cross Centered Theology:


What happens when seminaries abandon the Bible and no longer proclaim and defend the scriptures as the inerrant, authoritative, inspired Word of God? Answer: those same seminaries wander off in to spiritual asininity (Eph. 4:14). Here's a prime example of this from Union Theological Seminary: "Once honored for voicing substantive theology in the Reformed tradition, Union Theological Seminary’s 2010 Sprunt Lectures will feature a feminist speaker who favors replacing the cross with a lactating breast. The event will occur May 3-5 on the seminary’s Richmond, Va., campus. Union is one of 11 seminaries that are officially related to the Presbyterian Church (USA). Sprunt Lecturer Margaret R. Miles is emerita professor of Historical Theology at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkley, Calif. Employing a title reminiscent of the denominationally sponsored Re-Imagining God Conference in 1993, Miles’ topic is “Revisioning Historical Theology.” “Although theologians may have claimed that crucifixion scenes exhibited the extremity of God’s love for humans, it was scenes of the child sucking at the breast that spoke to people on the basis of their earliest experience,” she said. This symbol was replaced by the cross, argued Miles, when patriarchal Western Europeans “secularized the breast. . . . Miles suggested that the cross is inappropriate as a symbol of God’s love because `it presents a violent act as salvific.'” This isn't Christian doctrine. This is pure whore like spiritual adultery and feminist nonsense!

“For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.”
-2 Timothy 4:3–4


As for me. I’m going to ignore the boobs (pun intended) at Union Theological Seminary and stick with the inspired words of the Apostle Paul who said:

“For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.”
-1Corinthians 2:2


Gospel Choir / Gospel Aerobics Mash Up:


If only Jesus and the 12 would have done this his ministry on the cross could have been postponed a few more years. Warning: Watching the video artifact in this exhibit could cause brain damage due to an inability to breathe.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBT3v87qo10

Clothing Optional with this church:

This church in Virginia is willing to stand naked before God, NOW??!!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGYdJ-uVvGI


Holy Ghost Hokey Pokey:


Get saved, get healed, feel the Holy Ghost as you do the hokey pokey, this is something the early Church missed out on
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31ZXliHbo5Q

Jesus is Back Walking the Earth And Making Statements:


Only this time He is not using disciples. NO, He is using youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2EbKn88Nyk


Jesus in jeans' Sculpture Unveiled:

Catholic priest David Buckley unveiled the £35,000 seven-foot high bronze statue at the Our Lady Immaculate and St Philip Neri Catholic church in Uckfield. Cornish's sculpture was funded by money left by Winifred Gregory, 87, a member of the congregation who passed away last year. Christ is wearing jeans and a shirt billowing in the wind while his hair and beard are neatly and fashionably trimmed. Buckley said: "You are always looking for new ways to enrich people in the experience of Christianity and it is good people can be open-minded to appreciate it.


Obama's Triumphal Entry on a Donkey:



Obama worship gets creepier by the day. Here is an artist's simulation of Obama's triumphal entry. The simulation took place on January 19, 2009, one day before the inauguration of President Obama, in Des Moines, Iowa, where His meteoric rise began. While onlookers waived palm branches, a motorcade consisting of 4 black SUVs, the sculpture affixed to a donkey, and secret service agents made the mile long triumphal entry which ended at the steps of the State of Iowa Capitol building. Oh God have mercy on us!


ChurchGurl the New Proverbs 31 gal:

Sassy, Savvy, Saved is the slogan for the website for ChurchGurl's 'christian products' for spiritual women, but I think they forgot one "S" word.....Slutty. it is not just a clothing line, it has become an empowering movement for women.
http://www.churchgurl.com/

St. Joseph Home Selling Kit

Are you having trouble selling your home in this difficult housing market? Have you considered burying a statue of St. Joseph in your yard? It's supposed to miraculously help you find a buyer for your house. This is an old Catholic practice of burying a statue of St. Joseph in order to sell a house.

Flirt to Convert:
This website
http://www.flirttoconvert.com/ is dedicated to Missionary Dating. The idea is for hot Christian women to date hot heathen men in order to convert them to Christianity and fulfill the great commission.